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There’s such a many things in my head. You don’t usually keep secrets out of your blog and it really annoys me that i haven’t written here about every click in my life. Because there has been happening so many things lately, I’m not gonna go all of them through here and now.

How can you ever think of a relationship between two people which becomes so deep that after a month (or really after two weeks we were together 24/7) the other cries, throws his mobile to wall and it breaks down and goes to his mum and cries. Well. I met this one boy who lived far from here. He came here for a week. We became close immediately and that was truly confusing. I can say I really liked him a lot, and I wasn’t afraid to say it to him. There was day one, day two, day three. I felt bored and tired. Bored to the same human begin who was with me all the time. Night and day. In one hand I was perfectly happy but in the other hand i thought that what the hell am i doing with him. And I didn’t know what to do, and i just stopped thinking. I just did that way my feelings said me to do.

I found myself with him two weeks later in my home, again. And he was here for a week. Felt bored etc. He didn’t like to meet new people, everything must have been planned in advance and everything should be done that way. He’s life felt hard to me. I fitted into his life, but i didn’t like the way i fitted there. There was too little space for me to move and do things as my head said to me. All those crazy things what i’m used to do. He was silent when we were with my friends. I asked about his previous relationships and the last one was 2 years and it sounded boring to me, but it opened my eyes. I finally saw why he is the way he is. I don’t want to hang out with boring people. This is rough, but that’s how it really is. The most important thing in a relationship between two people is, that both of them can be themselves. No pretending, because that’d be ridiculous.

I truly had to pretend with him that I’m not bored.

I’m sorry.

Welcome people

Welcome to my new idea. This may be it then, the renewal of my blog. No one really knows, or at least i don’t, if this is going to be s good idea or bad one to write in English. But we’ll see. It’s easy to just start typing in Finnish if I will fall into boredom because of this. But English seems to me more fun and challenging than my mother tongue. My eyelids are telling me things, they say that i should go to bed and start a new better day tomorrow. I hope today was worse than tomorrow will be. I’m going to get a h1n1 vaccine if they let me take one. No, I’m not in any group at risk, but someone said that we can get it because we are referred to be health care personnel. Blah. What a stupid post, I didn’t really say anything at all. Good nite.